ive been updating like mad lately.. i guess that means ive been bored.. yay?

so i feel bad because my sister is convinced she has this mosquito disease.. shes like, practically on the verge of tears.. shes way more paranoid than me and thats kinda hard to imagine.. scary...

my mom just told me i need to set up a doctors apt.. i hate going to the doctor.. she wants me to get this dizzy thing checked out though.. which i guess i should have done a while ago, but i hate doctors so im avoiding it.. i love the dentist though.. am i weird?

so last night as i was trying to go to sleep, i was thinking about how life is so pointless.. i dont get it.. a part of me wants to just pack up and leave. go anywhere. just go on adventures and have fun. cuz nothing else seems worth it. but then im still in the mindframe that society has cornered me into where i need to grow up, get a job, and raise a family.. which pisses me off wicked bad cuz i know for starters i dont want a family. i do NOT want kids. and i realisticly dont see myself ever getting married or anything. so there goes the family thing. this whole job thing pisses me off, cuz even if i DO happen to get a good job.. whats it for? i dont understand myself, cuz im so sick of how everything is, but im just still wicked afraid of change and taking chances. im getting better, but something is still holding me back.. and i dont get it. i hate being confused.. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

oh, by the way... my job search party went terribly last night.. part time positions available at some tanning salon in framingham.. receptionist.. yay? blah i suck.. must get out..

why does it seem like every time i update i feel the sudden need to urinate..

im really upset about this whole reggie thing.. i wanna go. i love them.. but i suck and i know that im not going to. i am just way too broke. like, for real.. i have $40 in the bank.. oh i dont even think its 40 anymore.. or was that a dream i had?? oh my goodness now im wicked confused. i hate getting my dreams mixed up with reality. why am i so stupid. but for real. im mad broke. i cant do it. thankfully my mom just told me shed help me out buying art supplies for me for school, which is such a relief cuz that was my main concern as of right now.. i need a new job. bah!

yeah i should stop complaining so im done.. i should get ready for work or something.. alright take care have a lovely day.

love michelle

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