secondly.. me and megan talked today. i am glad. things are weird. and not overly happy. hopefully the fact that we talked about things will make things better. i dont want our friendship to not work. it is very important to me. it is hard though sometimes. sigh. i will hope for the best. i am, however, proud of myself for actually standing up for what i believed in this time.. i usually dont do that. actually, i hardly ever do that. im trying so hard. maybe i am getting stronger :) i really do think that i am changing though. i am proud of myself. yeah.. wow.. look at that.. a positive outlook on something that im doing.. whats happening to me.

i realized today on my drive to work that im actually at a rather happy place in my life right now. yes, there are things that are bothering me, and problems that seem to be unnecessary, but for the most part, i really cant complain (well, actually..) but i realized that im actually kind of happy with my life at the moment. i am proud of the changes (although very slight) that im making in my life. i am proud of the fact that i can even ackowledge and say that. thats a big thing for me. im lucky to have the people in my life that i do. i am proud of some of the choices ive been making and i think i have a new outlook on many things. maybe its all in my head.. it probably wont last. but right now, regardless of all kinds of crap im dealing with, i actually think im okay. i never ever thought id think that.. weird eh?

for the record, i definitely have the biggest crush ever. it needs to go away. i hate boys. especially when they do cute things. grrr.

so i hung out with my lauren tonight. i picked her up from work and then we went to dunkin donuts. oh how i love dunkin donuts. i think maybe i am obsessed. i think way too much of my paycheck goes towards their caffinated beverages. right. lauren. wow i suck. anyway. hi lauren :)  we are dorks eh? mmm definitely. anyway, i heart lauren. we did lots of catching up tonight. lots of little story exchanging. ive been doing a lot of bonding with my friends lately. talking.. lots. i am a fan. i think its healthy. im so weird for always making such a big deal about it when i actually talk to people.. but.. its just something that has caused so much pain and anxiety in my life, and its something i HATED about myself (perhaps more than anything else) and im really glad to be fighting it. im also glad that ive come to many realizations on my own, about certain aspects about myself, that i think i either have changed, or am in the process of changing. im really not happy with who i am. i am trying to be. it takes a lot of work. i think im making progress. its slow, but i think its happening. weird.

ive been listening to the impossibles for like, a week and a half straight. they are so much fun. i love them.

i want to get another tattoo soooooo bad. what i want is going to end up costing me a fortune and a whole lot of time. but i want it. now dammit. better start drawing. sigh.

i havent done any art. i need to start doing more art. something else i need to fix about myself. sigh. but for real. thats something that really bothers me about myself. how i can claim to be an art major, but never really have a drive to create. oxymoron? i think so. i just.. have issues. im weird in my art work.. in that, im not weird at all. im actually really boring. i need to change my major.

oh yeah.. so i was all pissed off driving to work today cuz this stupid person cut me off and started driving soo slow and kept on breaking for no reason (like, when the other person had the stop sign) and i was getting so pissed off and kept beeping.. and then.......... it was a nun. i am so going to hell.

anyway. i think i will shutup now. for the record, i love crackers. and no, not the white bastards.. the keebler kind.

love michelle

ps.. kerry should have been born a retard. ha. here i come hell.

.. i think about you nightly.. cuz im afraid i might forget ..

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