oh.. so apparently i made a friend these past 2 days? i am so scared/confused. theres this boy who, im assuming, lives in towers, and he some how knows my name.. and thinks we are pals.. and keeps talking to me.. its kind of scary.. he seems like a nice kid though..  it just frightens me when people i dont know know things about me.  oh well.. it was interesting..

i am cold.. brrr..

kerry is coming over tomorrow... yay... i hope that we have fun.. im sure we will... we will have a good time.. i stole her from work today and we went to dunkin donuts. it was great. oh and we got new checks at work and they are ugly and so confusing. i hate them. oh and i have been talking to dan more lately it seems. i think i wish i was better friends with him. he is a cool kid.. then again, i dont really know how much i trust him.. then again, im not trusting much of anyone lately... why do people have to suck so bad? it makes me mad.. and very depressed that we live in a society where so many people are dishonest and manipulative.. either that or it makes me so sad that even if this isnt true, its the way i view the world so it causes me to have such a hard time trusting people.. 

so i think i am done dealing with things... i think im done thinking about this whole situation with brian.. i think that it is a very confusing situation and i dont want to deal with it anymore. im tired of being confused.. im tired of trying to figure out what he is thinking... what his actions mean.. im done.. it seems not worth it. i am still sad though because i really had grown to view him and mike as 2 of my best friends. it makes me even sadder though that i am tired of trying to figure things out and make things work. we will never be friends again... or... maybe we will be friends again, but it will never be the same.. i dont think it will ever even be close to the same.. i dont think it can, because i have discovered things about the both of them that i hadnt realized before and it has changed my outlook on them.. they are now different people to me, but looking back on it, i realize i had known it all along.. it was just hidden.. and yes, i know that brian reads this.. and will be reading this.. and thats fine.. im not trying to hide anything.. im not trying to be mean.. its just how it is.. and i know that he knows it.. its sad how things worked out.. or i think so anyway..  i would have liked for things to have been different... but now i am done dealing with it. 

ive realized i need to not become too attached to people.. it is not healthy and just gets me hurt because i am always so disappointed.. it makes me sad.. 

i am trying to be happier with my friends.. i realized that i do this thing where im ALWAYS with my "best friend" (whoever it may be at the time), and then i am driven to the point where i cant bear to be around them anymore... ive always been that way.. since forever.. and i hate that about myself.. and i dont want to be that way.. its not healthy.. so, im trying.. and i think im doing a pretty good job so far.. i am trying to split my time up and and be with different friends so that it works out better for me.. its going alright so far.. i think im weird..

i cant wait to redo my webpage.. i dont know what im going to do yet.. but it just needs to not be this anymore.. yeah... wow.. i need to go to bed now.. i suck.. goodnight.. 

love michelle

ps... quote of the day from megan = "QUICK!! LETS BEAT THOSE ASIANS WITH THE SHOPPING CART!!" ... granted, this was in reference to simply getting ahead of 2 asians who were pushing a shopping cart up the hill, but making megan sound like a violent racist bastard is so much more fun.. :)

.. and now the best part about this is that i know the truth about you.. and now i can move forward, not worried about what i'm about to lose.. i'm about to lose. yeah? well i dont care ..

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