in case you couldnt tell, i saw brian today.. and it made me realize how strange this whole situation is.. i mean, i guess its good that we actually spoke to each other, but i seriously felt like i had never spoken to him before.. like i wasnt actually talking to brian.. like it was just some random kid that i was making small talk with, just to be polite.. this is all so strange to me.. this whole concept of breaking up.. i mean, im sure that our situation isnt incredibly abnormal or anything, but just the entire concept of it is strange to me.. and i dont think its just because ive never experienced it before and im just not used to it.. i just think its strange (especially in our case, because i really didnt think we were having problems) that you can care for someone and have this seemingly close relationship with someone, and then just have it instantly become so much different.. so much worse.. and just suddenly not even know each other any more.. am i even making sense? i know what im trying to say, but im doing a terrible job of getting it across.. i mean, i know and accept that this whole process is "normal" or whatever, but it just doesnt really make sense to me.. maybe im just naive..

dont get me wrong, this isnt bothering me because i still want to be with him or anything.. in fact, i have come to the realization that i really do think i am over him. and that, if anything, i am just holding onto the idea of him.. because as he said, we wouldnt have worked out.. and i am fully aware of this.. i guess it was just nice having someone.. and that is what was making me so sad.. and i do still miss him. but at the same time, there are still things about him that upset me.. i dont know. i guess it all comes back to the fact that i really need to not get attached to people.. i am constantly so dissappointed. 

alright.. i am done talking about this for now.. i love how i always say that im done dealing with this and done thinking about it, but i am such a liar. oh well.

love michelle

.. we've done this a thousand times.. but this time its different.. i think im over you.. i really think im over you.. nothing has changed except me ..

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