so we got a new computer... which is lovely.. which means i get to bring the old one back to school with me.. which is really lovely.. which means that i will have internet access in my room.. which will be super duper lovely.. but we dont happen to have netscape on this new computer.. which isnt so lovely cuz that means we dont have netscape composer, which is what i usually update on.. so now im just doing it in wordpad and its pissing me off... grrr i enjoy being lazy dammit.

yeah so i havent written on here in a while.. namely because my updates have been boring me and pissing me off and id be annoyed if i were anyone reading this crap because its been a whole bunch of pointless crap.. like... who cares.. even i dont care.. i dont understand why i put it up.. just for something to do i guess.. but its pretty annoying and its been bothering me and making me feel kind of like i have nothing inside, which has been making me pretty sad to say the least.. so ive been avoiding it.. but now im bored again and going back to my stupidity.. sigh i suck.

well... im kind of happy.. i wasnt really looking forward to going back to school cuz i dunno.. i was having doubts about some of my friendships (namely mike and brian, for pretty obvious reasons) but as of late those doubts have been pretty much put to rest.. me and brian have been talking (via email anyway..) pretty regularly and things seem really good with that and im honestly fully comfortable talking to him again and i really think that we will be friends again.. depending on how he feels about it, obviously.. but from my standpoint its fine.. and then mike situation was pretty strange but i think we sorta worked stuff out (or just chalked it up to thats the way it is and its forgotten) and so im pretty excited to be seeing him again too.. i think ill be glad to have the both of them be a part of my life again. i miss them both lots. oh yeah!! and ra powell!! what a good time! itll be great! :)

im a jerky person. i wicked am. and i suck lots. it was really kind of funny the other night cuz i was being wicked crappy and just in a terrible mood and i wasnt talking to anyone and i just went to lay on my bed and be miserable and chrystal comes and lays with me and we sit in silence for a while and then shes like "so i was just thinking about how much i love you" and im like.. uh why.. and shes like.. cuz youre retarded just like me.. and then proceded to tell me how great it was that i was such a retard and just get upset and crappy and how its okay cuz she totally understand and finished it with "im glad you suck too". it was nice and comforting.. in a very retarded sort of way. but thats why i love you chrystal :) but yeah. im a jerk. and so is she. we are both so alike in so many (pretty messed up) ways.. its reassurring, but at the same time i wonder if its harmful cuz we both think the same way so we convince the other that our not so wonderful actions arent actually that bad. but, we're so damn good at rationalizing everything.. i dont know though. im beginning to realize i really am a terrible person.

so i hate my boss. mr walsh can go to hell and die. he sucks. i love getting treated like a 5 year old. like im not 21 years old.. like i havent worked there for almost 2 years now. like im not a supervisor. i am sick of getting reprimanded for the most ridiculous things.. like drinking water. oh dear. better not let her hydrate herself. the world will end. shut the hell up. go to hell. find better things to do than keep a constant eye on me and pick me apart for doing silly things like ... drinking ..... !?!? people need to die. for real.

Q. if you dye your hair 3 days in a row will it fall out?
A. not yet ... soon though, im sure... i am having such hair dying fun though.. although it always seems to be orange. god damn you. but the variety is being good for me i think.

i have honest to god watched myself change. like.. dead serious. i honestly think that im a completly different person than i was.. if only a few months ago.. its so strange to think that people can make such drastic changes that they almost become someone else.. not that im not me.. i am... er.. unfortunetely im still as brilliant and articulate as always.. but for real.. its so weird.. i think that maybe im actually starting to hate myself less. what an accomplishment thatd be..

im getting really bored with this. i think i need to stop. you guys should email me. or sign the guestbook or something. im bored and need reassurance that people read this.. or that you love me. or something... :)

peace out.  

love michelle

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